Picking Yourself Up
If you read yesterday’s post then you’ll know how excited I was for all that’s to come. Well, that lasted until around 10pm, when godknowswhat sent me into a money spiral.
What will happen when JobKeeper drops in January?
Why has the Victorian government left sole traders working at home high and dry?
How could I possibly get a casual job without a car?
How the fuck will I pay for my new card boxes?
What if I don’t have money for flights come January?
How will I afford Christmas presents this year?
Yeah, real fucking worries. In classic Capricorn fashion, I went down the rabbit hole of practical options – what actions I could take to solve my problem. Because at my core, I am a problem solver. I don’t like being confused or unsure or in limbo. I like looking for solutions and moving through the mess as quickly and efficiently as possible.
[In other words, major masculine energy. Which serves me incredibly well as a business owner, but when it comes to relationships and manifesting and having trust, it leaves me high and dry.]
The shittiest part was not coming up with a clear solution. I didn’t have an action step I could instantly take, and that threw me off. A lot. The debacle ended in tears and watching The 1975 live shows until 2am in bed to calm me down.
So today, when I woke up tired and exhausted and still at a loss on my next step to take, I decided to let that shit go. It’s not a problem I need to solve in this exact moment, so I gave myself the day away from it. For perspective and sanity’s sake.
The decision led me to a soul lifting swim in the ocean, eating hot chips in my car at the beach, resolving to do the minimal amount of work, and lasting about an hour of scrolling before I felt called to create.
There’s no lesson to today’s madness. Sometimes you don’t have a perfect day. Your mental health fluctuates and you might need more comfort and support than usual. Maybe work goes out the window, maybe you start creating at 11pm.
Whatever happens, know that whatever you are experiencing right now is relevant for your evolution as a human (annoying, I know) and that you are supported. You aren’t alone, even if it feels like you’ve been abandoned. You have you, and while that may sound like a cliche, it’s actually incredibly powerful to remember and hold true.
Love, Viv